The soldier fell in love,
Married a lady previously wed.
She ignored she was still,
Until her first husband dragged her
To court. ‘Adultery!’
Cried the crowd awaiting
The final divorce,
For a happy ever after
Seventh President of the United States.
The Commanding General enjoyed
Gambling on gold in markets
Have its value rise and fall
Until scandal coined Black
When thieves stole
From Union Pacific Railroads,
He began to slip
On slippery slopes.
Yet nothing a glass
Of whiskey could not solve.
Whiskey Ring however,
Claiming taxes flowing
Into improper pockets, drowned
The 18th President of the United States.
The bearded man who was able
To get killed within six months,
Did not leave on a Star Route
While his friends coyly benefited
From indecencies in postal service
For routes heading out west.
While he tried to clean the mess
Corruption at the station shot
The 20th President of the United States.
‘Ma, Ma, Where’s My Pa?’ chanted
The opponent to the lawyer
Who had slept with the widow
Who had given him a bastard.
As he paid for his acquittal
And the orphanage to home
The little one,
The 22nd and 24th President of the United States.
Rated amongst the worst,
At the time of his death he was
The most popular of all.
Secrets kept for later disclosure
A cup of tea with mistress
At the Teapot Dome,
While his chosen colleague sold
The right to oil reserves across the land,
In exchange for personal profit
And roaming cattle.
Little did he know
The 29th President of the United States.
Red hunter convicted Soviet spies
Winning over Ike. Decisions made
In smoke-filled rooms,
Public respect, private deviation,
When he supported abolishment
Of educational segregation,
And demanded to help the French
Keep their colonies in otherwise
When finally Julie married David,
He was called upon to rule
A nation in shambles.
Wars on drugs, intrusions at Watergate,
Cover-ups, tapes and conspiracies
Led him to be the first, one and only,
Not before putting an end
To the never-ending cross-pacific fight,
Commenced, prolonged, extended and terminated
By the 37th President of the United States.
The actor who played Dark Victory
Shooting documentaries at war,
Beyond the Line of Duty,
Chose to break the laws,
In several ways.
He sold arms to an embargoed country,
No less than what once was the Persian Empire,
Hawks and TOWs for controversial revolutionaries
Of dubious intentions, seeking release
Of hostages as compensation.
Yet that was not the affair alone,
As he thought well to send proceedings
To other revolutionaries closer to home,
Down the line to Nicaragua
For ‘post-truth politics’ to be born,
Scot-free the 40th President of the United States.
Now here is a scandal we know well,
Out of all an amusing one,
Not for his wife that is for sure
Nonetheless we pardoned him,
And so did she, with a smile.
The Eagle, the Wonk or the Big Dog
Committed the oldest of crimes,
Slept in the wrong bed, then lied.
Hypocrisy appalled, with a web eager to chatter,
He was the only one to effectively be impeached,
Set aside the hundred-years older guy
Who just shouldn’t have rid himself
Of his secretary of war.
Jokes aside he confessed and apologised
Giving breath to his sax
The 42nd president of the United States.
The red-hair blue-eyes business man
From Queens, is currently in charge,
Gave up Miss USA and Miss Universe
Pageants for candidacy,
Juggling scandals every day.
Allegedly mistreating ladies
Firing anyone he dislikes,
Obstructing justice as he pleases
Leaking information he should not tell.
For him my poetry defeated
Waiting to see what’s next
I shall silence my muse and watch
The 45th president of the United States.
[Featured painting: Grand Ol’ Gang by Andy Thomas]
In order of appearance in poem: Andrew Jackson, Ulysses Simpson Grant, James Abram Garfield, Stephen Grover Cleveland, Warren Gamaliel Harding, Richard Milhous Nixon, Ronald Wilson Reagan, (Andrew Johnson, 17th), William Jefferson Clinton, Donald John Trump.